Page:Johnsonian Miscellanies II.djvu/35

 borrowed and lent to a first cousin, an unlucky captain of an Indiaman, were due on the I5th to a merchant in the city. I could not possibly raise that sum, and was apprehensive of being hardly used. He, however, indulged me with an allowance to make partial payments ; i5o/. in two months, i$ol. in eight months, and the remainder, with the interests, in eighteen months. How I am to manage I am at a loss, and I know you cannot help me. So this, upon my honour, is no hint. I am really tempted to accept of the iooc/. for my Life of Johnson. Yet it would go to my heart to sell it at a price \ which I think much too low. Let me struggle and hope. I cannot be out on Shrove Tuesday, as I flattered myself. P. 376. ] of Vol. II. is ordered for press, and I expect another proof to-night. But I have yet near 200 pages of copy besides letters, i and the death, which is not yet written. My second volume \ will, I see, be forty or fifty pages more than my first. Your absence is a woful want in all respects. You will, I dare say, perceive a difference in the part which is revised only by myself, and in which many insertions will appear. My spirits are at present bad : but I will mention all I can recollect.

Jan. 29. 1791. You will find this a most desponding and disagreeable letter, for whidi I ask your pardon. But your vigour of mind and warmth of heart make your friendship of such consequence, that it is drawn upon like a bank. I have, for some weeks, had the most woful return of melancholy, insomuch that I have not only had no relish of any thing, but a continual uneasiness, and all the prospect before me for the rest of life has seemed gloomy and hopeless. The state of my affairs is exceedingly embarrassed. I mentioned to you that the 5oo/. which I borrowed several years ago, and lent to a first cousin, an unfortunate India captain, must now be paid ; i5o/. on the 1 8th of March, i5o/. on the i8th of October, and 2 57^ I 5 S - &d. on the i8th of July, 1792. This debt presses upon my mind, and it is uncertain if I shall ever get a shilling of it again. The clear money on which I can reckon out of my estate is scarcely 9OO/. a year. What can I do ? My grave brother urges me to quit London, and live at my seat in the

country ;

�� �