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 78 Prayers and Meditations.

my Wife's dying day, and begged pardon for all our sins, and commended her ; but resolved to mix little of my own sorrows or cares with the great Solemnity. Having taken only tea without milk, I went to church, had time before service to commend my wife, and wished to join quietly in the service, but I did not hear well, and my mind grew unsettled and perplexed. Having rested ill in the night 1, I slumbered at the sermon, which, I think, I could not as I sat, perfectly hear.

I returned home, but could not settle my mind. At last I read a Chapter. Then went down, about six or seven and eat two cross buns 2, and drank tea. Fasting for some time has been uneasy and I have taken but little.

At night I had some ease. L. D. 3 I had prayed for pardon and peace.

I slept in the afternoon.

119.

29, EASTER EVE.

I rose and again prayed with reference to my departed Wife. I neither read nor went to Church, yet can scarcely tell how I have been hindered. I treated with booksellers on a bargain, but the time was not long 4.

120.

30, EASTER DAY, ima mane.

The day is now come again in which, by a custom which since the death of my wife I have by the Divine assistance always observed, I am to renew the great covenant with my Maker and my Judge. I humbly hope to perform it better. I hope for more efficacy of resolution, and more diligence of endeavour. When I survey my past life, I discover nothing but a barren waste of time with some disorders of body, and disturbances of the mind very near to madness, which I hope he that made me, will suffer to extenuate many faults, and excuse many

1 On March 19 he had written to Johnson's Dictionary. Mrs. Thrale : * You are all young 3 Laus Deo.

and gay and easy ; but I have miser- 4 Quoted in the Life, iii. 109.

able nights and know not how to The treaty was about the Lives of

make them better.' Letters, ii. 5. the Poets. Id.

2 Neither cross-bun nor bun is in

deficiencies.

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