Page:Joe Miller's new jest book.pdf/6

 JOE MILLER.

A servant girl, who always attended divine service, but who also could not read, had, from constant attendance, got the service by rote, and could repeat it extremely well. But a few Sundays previous to her marriage, she was accompanied by her beau, to whom she did not like it to be known that she could not read; she, therefore, took up the prayerbook, and held it before her. Her lover wished to have a sight of it also, but, unfortunately for her, she held it upside down. The man, astonished, said, Good heavens! why, you have the book wrong side upwards. I know it, sir, said she, confusedly, I always read so, for I am left-handed.

A gentleman, who, on account of his ugliness, was called Cupid, had the evil custom of still more disfiguring his grotesque person, by a striking negligence in his clothes and linen. One day he had a desire of going to a masquerade, and asked the advice of a friend, how he should disguise himself, so that no one might know him. Nothing in the world can be more easy, replied the latter; put on clean linen.

A certain poor unfortunate gentleman was so often pulled by the sleeve by the bailiffs, that he was in continual apprehension of them; and going one day through Tavistock street, his coat sleeve happened to hitch upon the spike of one of the rails; whereupon he immediately turned about in a great surprise, and cried out, At whose suit, sir ? at whose suit?

The late Dr. Young of Birmingham, having one day forgotten to bury the corpse of a Dissenter, was accused of neglecting the funeral in consequence of the creed professed by the departed. I have heard, said a Quaker to the reverend gentleman, I have heard, friend Young, that thou wouldest not bury, because he was of the Dissenters. You're misinformed, replied the other; I should be happy to bury them all.

A little boy having been much praised for his quickness of reply, a gentleman present observed, that when children were keen in their youth, they were generally stupid and dull when they advanced in years, and vice versa. What a very sensible boy, sir, must you have been! returned the child.

When James the First went to Salisbury, one of the active adventurers of those days climbed up the outside of the spire of the cathedral, and at the top made three somersets in honour of his majesty ; who being applied to for a reward, gave him a patent, whereby every other of his subjects except the aforesaid bold man, and his heirs male, being protestants, were prohibited from doing the like under the severest penalties.