Page:Joe Miller's new jest book.pdf/3

 JOE MILLER

When Lieutenant O'Brien (who was called skyrocket Jack) was blown up at Spithead, in the Edgar, he was on the carriage of a gun, and when brought to the admiral, all black and wet, he said with pleasantry, "I hope, sir, you will excuse my dirty appearance, for I came out of the ship in so great a hurry, that I had not time to shift myself.”

Two sailors, the one Irish, the other English, agreed reciprocally to take care of each other, in case of either being wounded in an action then about to commence. It was not long before the Englishman's leg was shot off by a cannonball; and on asking Paddy to carry him to the doctor, according to their agreement, the other very readily complied it had scarcely got his wounded companion on his back when a second ball struck off the poor fellow's head. Paddy, through the noise and bustle, had not perceived his friend's misfortune, but continued to make the best of his way to the surgeon. An officer observing him with his headless lunk, asked him where he was going? "To the doctor,"says Paddy.-" The doctor!” says the officer," why, blockad, this man has lost his head." On hearing this, he flung the body from his shoulders, and looking at it very attentively, “By my own soul," says he, he told me it was his leg, but I was a fool to believe him, for he was always a great

A clergyman was reading the burial service over an Irish corpse, and having forgot which sex it was, on coming to that part of the ceremony which reads thus, " our dear brother or sister," the reverend gentleman stopped, and seeing that stand by, stepped back, and whispering to him, said, Is it a brother or a sister ?" Pat says, a Friend, 'tis neither, only a relation."

A very ignorant, but very foppish young fellow, going into bookseller's shop with a relation, who went thither to buy something he wanted, seeing his cousin look into a particular book and smile, asked him what there was in that book that made him smile? “Why," answered the other, “this book is dedicated to you, cousin Jack."" Is it so," said pray let me see it, for I never knew before that I had such an honour done to me." Upon which, taking it into his hands, he found it to be Perkins' Catechism, dedicated to all ignorant persons."