Page:Joe Miller's jests (1).pdf/5

 ( 5 ) in caſe of a ſtorm, or the apprehenſion of any danger from an enemy. Aye, ſaid the firt, there is ſome ſence in that; but my maſter makes us go to prayers when there is no more occaſion for it, than for my leaping overboard.

A certain lady at Whitehall, of great quality, but very little modeſty, having ſent for her linen-draper to bring her ſome hollands. as ſoon as the young fellow entered the room, O ſir, ſaid ſhe, I find you are the man for the buſineſs for you no ſooner look a lady in the face, but you have the yard in one hand, and are lifting up the linen with the other.

King Henry the Eight deſigning to ſend a nobleman on an embaſſy to Francis the Firſt, at a very dangerous juncture, he begged to be exçuled, ſaying, Such a threatening meſſage to ſhoot a Prince as Francis the firſt, might go near to coſt him his head. Fear not, ſaid Old Harry, if the French King ſhould offer to take away your life, I will revenge it by taking off the heads of the Frenchmen now in my power. But of all theſe heads, replied the nobleman, not one would fit my ſhoulders.

A Prince laughing at one of his nobles whom he had employed in ſeveral embaſſies, told him he looked like an owl. I know not ſaid the courtier, what I look like, but this I know, that I have had the honour ſeveral times to repreſent your Majeſty's perfon.

A Mayor of Yarmouth, in ancient times, being by his office a Juſtice of the peace, and one who was willing to diſpence the laws in the wiſeſt manner, though he could hardly read, got himſelf the ſtatute book, where finding a law