Page:Joe Miller's jests (1).pdf/3

 ( 3 ) long for him: That's true, anſwered the other, but it will be longer before I get another.

A poor man who had a termagant wife, after a very long diſpute, in which ſhe was reſolved to have the laſt word, told her, if ſhe spoke one crooked word more he would beat her brains out: Why then, Ram's Horns, you rogue, ſaid ſhe, iſ I die for it.

A certain country Squire aſked a Merry Andrew why he played the fool? For the ſame reaſon, ſaid he, as you do, for want; you do it for want of wit, I for want of money.

A Welſhman bragging of his family ſaid, that his father's effigy was ſet up in Weſtminſter Abbey ; being asked whereabouts, he said in the ſame monument with Squire Thynne, for he was his coachman.

A certain lady finding her huſband too familiar with her chambermaid. turned her away immediately. Huffey, ſaid the I have no occaſion for ſuch ſluts as you only to do what work I choſe not to do myſelf.

A gentleman asked lady at Tanbridge, who had made a very large acquaintance among the beaux there, what ſhe would do with them all? O, ſaid ſhe, they paſs off like the waters. And pray, madam, ſaid he, do they all paſs the ſame way?

A very harmleſſ Iriſhman was eating an apple-pie with ſome quinces in it. Arah now dear honey, ſaid he, it ſo few of theſe quinces give ſuch a flavour how would an apple-pye taſte made all of quinces.

A young gentleman playing at queſtion and commands with ſome pretty young ladics, waſ