Page:Joe Miller's jests (1).pdf/11

 ( 11 ) I want ſhirts ſadly. How can that be, replied he, when we make ſo many every day.

An Iriſhman having been obliged to live with his maſter ſome time in Scotland, when he came home again ſome of his companions aſked him how he liked Scotland ? I will tell you now, ſaid he, I was ſick all the while I was there, and if I had lived there till this time I had been dead a year ago.

Mr. Dryden once at dinner, being by a lady offered the rump of a fowl, he refuſing it, the lady ſaid Pray Mr. Dryden take it, the rump is the beſt part of the fowl. Yes Madam, ſaid he, and ſo I think it is of the fair.

A factious teacher of arithmetic who had long been married without being able to get his wife with child; one ſaid to her, Madam, your huſband is an excellent arithmetician. Yes replied ſhe, only he cannot multiply.

A cowardly ſervant having been out a hunting with his maſter, they had killed a wild boar. The fellow thinking the boar ſtirred, betook himſelf to a tree; upon which his maſter called to him and aſked him, What he was he afraid of. as the boar's guts were out? no matter for that, ſaid he, his teeth are in.

A butcher in Smithfield, who lay upon his death bed, ſaid to his wife, My dear, I am not a man for this world, therefore I adviſe you to marry our man John, he is a luſty young fellow, and fit for your turn. O dear huſband, ſaid ſhe, if that be all, let it never trouble you, for we have already agreed upon that matter.

When his late Majeſty in coming from