Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/63

 about Blake … something about the things he liked. Well, if Blake liked and did those things … he could too … he would not be a sissy this time.

Again he could feel her body meeting his … this soft body that had reached up to his … again he could feel it under his rigid legs, the warmth of her breath on his neck … and then the frightening climax.

"Oh, honey, you're what I needed," she had whispered, and he had let her draw his body to hers. "That's wonderful, darling … oh … so wonderful … kiss me."

The act had been consummated. He had experienced the moment he had dreaded … the moment we all look forward to in secret, whatever we may feel about it. Had felt as if his insides were exploding, as if everything within him had suddenly been removed. To him it was ugly, terrifying, although, he had heard differently. There were no words for it, and even if Blake did such things, he swore this had been the first and last time for him.

When she had let him out in front of his house his body had felt dulled and leaden, and his arms and legs thrashed uselessly to keep it up. He kept thinking of diseases … newborn babies. And on his bed he had cried himself to sleep.

And here she was again, standing beside him with the same expression. She was asking him to repeat what had happened. She looked at him and he felt naked and ashamed. He wanted to break into the current of legs and arms—to run, as fast as he could, away from this person who degraded the act of birth. But he stayed on and listened to her say:

"You're getting better looking, honey … been having any fun?" She looked between his legs, at his eyes, and down again.

"Not much," he answered.

"I'm saving our little hideout. Whataya doing tonight?"

"I've got a date tonight, Thelma."

He felt a wave of disgust spreading through him. Now she was causing him to lie … and what for? Why didn't he just tell her he didn't want to go. But how could he with her looking at him? Her gaze seemed to go deep inside him. It was the look of a conquering female over a beaten male. 53