Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/348

 Blake sat holding his head with one hand, listening. Then said, "I can't help the way I feel."

"I know," replied Gaylord. "I don't know why I went to church this morning. Now it seems such a long time ago and it was only this morning. I was feeling blue and church is always comforting to me. After church I saw Glenn and his mother and Mrs. Rogers asked me to have breakfast with them. I didn't want to but I just couldn't refuse. It wasn't all planned like you think … it just happened. When Glenn suggested going out to their farm and fish I thought it would be fun. You hadn't called and I'd never been fishing …"

"Why didn't you tell me you wanted to go fishing. I'd have taken you."

"I'd never thought of it … never had any desire to go."

"But you did."

"Yes … I did. I felt so miserable when you didn't call last night … and this morning I was so jittery … I hadn't been to church for so long, I thought it would make me feel better. It did too …"

Blake sat like a piece of machinery. His thumb hitting the same spot on his forehead, moving mechanically back and forth as if it was drilling a hole between his eyes. "I guess we'd better go," Blake said, still tapping his thumb. Again Gaylord felt crushed under the happiness that could have been. He considered Blake silently, uncertain of words. The space between them had broadened even more. He could never win him back … if only Blake didn't hate him.

"Bob," Gaylord began, "please don't hate me. Can't we be friends?"

"I don't think so," Blake said sharply. "I'll take you home. You said you were tired. No … I don't think so …"

Again the vibrating was around him and again Gaylord looked into the space before him. He sat there silently looking into the moving sky toward the high clear stars. They looked down as hard and cruel as death. He could feel himself shrinking to pigmy size under the gigantic sky. The wind went through it, crying. It stretched above him endless and black and utterly empty; and Gaylord was alone, alone in a vast universe which became suddenly formless and without plan …