Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/304

 "I'm not sure," he said slowly. "I don't think I know how to explain. I don't know if I belong to your sort of world for one thing."

"What is your sort of world," Paul asked.

"I'm not sure … really … please believe me … I don't know … you see … I am divorced … free of the girl I spent three years with. She wasn't bad … guess it was my fault she fell in love with another man. We didn't belong, even though we tried. I could see she wasn't happy, and I think she knew I wasn't. I tried to be a man and the first year was quite happy but after that I began to be restless … I was mixed up like an unworked puzzle … all to pieces. I even went to a psychiatrist but it didn't do any good. It's tough to enjoy both sexes."

"I guess it is," Paul muttered. "I've never had an affair with a woman … don't guess I ever will. I've been gay all my life. Queer, normal people call it."

"You're not so queer."

"You don't know me very well … you don't know what a bitch I really am. I've been in love lots of times … each time I knew it was the real thing, but it wasn't. They all leave … like Gaylord …"

"Gaylord?"

"I met him a few nights ago and fell madly in love again."

"Why isn't he with you?"

"He lives in Texas … he's in love with someone else."

"Oh."

"Tonight, I'm in love with you … see … I'm really a bitch. I fall in love, I cruise … I do everything a common bitch does … but tonight I do love only you. You don't believe me, do you?"

"I don't know … it's hard to believe love is so easily found."

"Easy … no it isn't easy to know that you will leave too."

"Leave?"

"I'm the one that gets left all the time."

"You'll have a hard time getting rid of me."

"You mean … I've got a room-mate?"

"You have if you want one … if you'd call me a room-mate … I hope you don't."

"You work fast too, don't you, Ted?"

"Got to be fast … I'm getting old." 294