Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/290

 because his memories were so cruel and unpleasant, Paul's eyes filled with tears. His mind was a series of days past, and of days to come.

Rain can play odd tricks upon the fancy, even upon a dreamer's fancy. And as he walked hushed and sad, he thought. Maybe some old "aunties" are happy and content. Maybe age does things to you … At least I've got money, and money is important to one growing old … real important to a gay person.

He looked lost and puzzled, his normal expression dying away from his face as though swept clean by an unseen hand, and in its place a mask had formed, a sculptured thing, formal and cold, handsome still but lifeless.

The smell of beer and rubbish made him look skyward, and the kiss-like drops felt good on his uncovered brow. His thin sport shirt stuck close, showing his upper physique, and his cut out sport shoes sopped up water from the puddles entrenched on broken slabs, making each step remind one of rubbing taffeta. He was not aware of his appearance. He was aware that he had known fear, and loneliness, and very great distress on this very street. It all carried him back to his past with such force that he seemed to be reliving it again. Something inside him wanted to be carried back to the days when he was happy; when the city and Bourbon Street had been beautiful; when he had lain on his bed and watched his lover coming toward him.

"Hey … look out fellow."

He stopped, quickly coming from the past to the present, but he was too late. He had collided with a couple with such force that the girl would have slipped and fallen if her companion had not quickly caught her. Paul's confused and halting apologies brought forth a flow of cuss words from the girl, but his face was so sincere that her anger died down as quickly as it had flared.

"That's okay, honey," she said. "We shouldn't have had a newspaper over our face. Took it for granted that people would see us. It's our fault." She turned to her companion. "Damn, baby, did you have to grab me here?" She rubbed her breasts. "You almost ruptured me, baby," she laughed.

"I'm going to do more than that when I get you in bed, baby," her companion grinned. Then he winked at Paul in a "you know what she is" manner. 280