Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/286

 the name of it but, one day I was walking by and I spotted that bleached switch of hers behind the counter. She saw me too and tried to duck, but I was too fast for her. Honey, they've got to be pretty fast to get ahead of your mother, and you know that. Well, she wasn't. She was really upset and you know what she said? Said she was writing a book. Something about a girl who worked in a restaurant. She was getting the feel of the character. Honey, that bitch can't even write her name so that you can read it. I ask her if this was a restaurant? I said why don't you go to Antoine's, girl."

Paul was holding his sides laughing.

Gene continued, "Let's face it … she didn't even know what I meant. She's an ignorant whore and tries to be elegant. I almost let her have it full force but I had to fart so bad I just stood there pressing my cheeks together. I was afraid I'd do something else if I let one little tiny winnie one out. So I sat down and had a coke. She brings it to me and flashed this big hunk of glass in my face. I wanted to see how far the bitch would go so I said to her, I say, very coylike: ‘That's a lovely ring you have there. Let's see it.' As if I couldn't. She sticks out this skinny paw and says: ‘Yes, it is lovely, isn't it. It's an heirloom of the family's.' Honey, I almost shit." Gene gave a wild scream and continued, "Then, I says to her, I says, ‘Honey, I've got the large news for you … Some of the loom is rubbing off on your finger.' Her finger was all green." Gene screamed a shrieking laugh. Paul was holding his stomach, shaking with laughter. "Her finger was green from that ten cent ring … She almost dropped. She pulled that old paw so quick-like you'd think I was going to steal the Hope diamond. Honey, that ring had about as much sparkle to it as one of those old rhinestones in my G-string, and that's not very much."

"Oh, Gene," Paul laughed. "You're a kick."

"Honey, those bitches can't put nothing over on your mother. Just like the other day in the can at the Apollo Theatre. I was standing there taking a pee, minding my own business, and this faggot shook her honker at me. She said, trying to be butch, ‘wanta buy this?' You should have see it … Evil … I took one look and told him to put it back in his pants. ‘Whatya want to do with that pointed thing, stab me,' I said and laughed right in his face. You should have seen 276