Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/275

 themselves to him without a struggle. Girls who had lain with men … other young boys. He thought of them and his hand shut tight around his flesh … hard, throbbing flesh … Let someone else break them in, he thought, I won't break them in but I'll take them afterwards … I don't want to be the first … They can brag about getting a cherry … to hell with that … I'll take them afterwards … after it's dropped and gone.

He thought of the time he was working in a filling station; about a certain man who had watched him as he had serviced his car; the man who had asked him to come up to his hotel room … He had liked the sensation that had gone through his body; remembered pushing away the face that had tried to kiss … afterwards … after the sensation was gone …

Yes, his maturity had come early … perhaps a little too early. The stranger had come back … and he had followed willingly up to the room … many times this had happened. In fact he had looked forward to these meetings … Had liked it as much as the acts that had occurred with girls behind trees … along the gulf coast … and other places …

He grinned to himself remembering all these past escapades.

He thought of Gaylord and a nervous tingling crept over him. It brought with it an exciting desire to have him here with him, to feel his warm body next to his. Right now his body was more desirous than Joy's and he wondered … asked himself why.

I'm not queer, he thought … I've never liked to play with dolls or girls … I can't understand it …

Words of his father's came to him now. "Bob has always been a real boy," his father had proudly told his uncle. "That boy of yours is too damn sissy, Jim …"

Blake had overheard the conversation and from that day on had avoided his cousin. He had never been too fond of him … There was just something about him that didn't click. Still, he had never mistreated him and he had been glad when they had moved to a different state.

Lying here now, Robert Blake wondered what his cousin, Frank Blake, looked like, how he acted and if he had outgrown his feminine ways. Frank was three years older than himself. 265