Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/250

 you were just leaving. You didn't lie to me, did you, Gay? You were ready to leave, or did you just want to get rid of me? My mind is full of doubt.

"No, you didn't lie … forgive me but I just had to call, and they told me you had just checked out. Forgive me but I just had to. I've been lied to so much the past eight years that it's hard to believe people any more. I hope that we never lie to each other. Don't ever lie to me, Gay; please don't ever lie to me … I'll never lie to you. You don't lie to those you love.

"Did I bore you with my past Saturday night: You're the only one who knows the way I felt toward Arnold. Gene thinks he does, but he couldn't. He's too giddy to believe in real love. Still, we never know what lies behind the thoughts of the giddy ones, do we?

"I just made some coffee and I'm using the same cup you used. Just to know you held it makes me tingle all over. Silly perhaps, but nice. I shall never forget you … you will come back after school? You did mean it when you said you would spend a week with me …? Here I am in doubt again … doubting … guess that's my name right now.

"I hope your mother and father liked me. I thought they were grand. Your mother is charming and I hope your father didn't read my mind when he thanked me for being so nice to you. He's so goodlooking. You look like him and yet, you look like your mother too. Thank them for asking me to visit you. Maybe I will someday. It would be nice to see your house … your town … to be around the things belonging to you.

"Oh, Gay, it would be so easy to be nice to you the rest of my life. Spoil and pet you, love you. The next days and weeks are going to be awfully long without you.

"I just glanced at this messed up bed and could see you on it kicking and laughing as I undressed you. I had no idea you were so innocent … and when you asked me what a faggot was, I almost choked … you seemed so willing to do everything, I thought you had had affairs before. I don't mean just playing like you and Bob did. Every boy has done that. I used to and before I was brought out it was fun … but that was long ago.

"Looking back, I can see that you were innocent and I should 240