Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/239

 woman. I tried once and ran home, left her laying naked in bed. I just couldn't do it … So you see … if having sex with a woman makes a man out of you … you're more of a man than I will ever be.

"Try, Gay, to take things as they come. It's really the best way. If you want to have sex with a girl, have it. If it's Bob you want … well … all kids play with each other at least once in their life, so don't feel that you and Bob are the only ones. You haven't done anything that isn't being done right now in lots of places. You might find the right girl someday … I don't know … you may fall in love with a man … and it's a hard life if you do … it's not easy, Gay … not easy at all.

"Were you shocked at me? Do you think I'm terrible …? Could you do what I did …? You don't think so … well … I hope you don't.

"You're sort of bi-sexual now; that is you don't know what you want, but I'm afraid from what you've told me about Bob, that you're not going to be that way for long. Do what seems natural for you. It's too bad that mothers make the mistake in raising boys like you and thousands of others do the same thing … Some times I believe if I would have been raised more like a boy instead of like a girl I might have been different … Who knows.

"If you find you want to change … that you want to get married … talk to your family doctor … There are some good ones. The one I went to was very understanding … He told me frankly it all depended on myself and that he was afraid even myself couldn't change my ways … Then I went to another … He gave me those shots … all they did for me was make me hotter than ever and not for a woman either. Still, they may work on others … I doubt it. He sure was a quack … and there are lots of them … The last time I went to him, he tried to make me … I asked him if he had taken the shots … He said … ‘Hell no … I'm satisfied the way I am …' I never went back to him.

"You heard Gene mention Arnold? We lived together for over a year; happy too. I thought a lot of him. I don't think a married couple could have been any happier. Then, he started drinking more than he could hold and I couldn't take it. He started running 229