Page:Jay Little - Maybe—Tomorrow.pdf/164

 houses … And at the end of the street, the highway traffic passed and was lost … lost …

Hours seemed to pass. Days flew by as she sat there next to him. She knew she should leave but she waited for an answer. She was afraid she was going to cry. Her eyes lowered, watching him, and her breath came and went in little wracking gasps. Again she bit her lip. She could not ask him the question again. No, she would not. He had heard her, but had not answered. He didn't love her … didn't want to lie to her. She should respect him for that. Yes, she was sure he didn't love her now … She had tried … Somehow she was like those cars on the highway … lost.

Go to your room, something dug at her. Go to your room before you throw yourself at him again. Have you no pride? He doesn't love you … Go to your room.

"I'd better go," she mumbled in a husky-throated voice. The blood in her veins that had been so warm felt like it had been diluted with ice water. She opened the car door. Said, "Good night, Gaylord."

"Good night, Joy. I'll walk to the house with you."

"No … don't bother," she said dully. "Thanks for bringing me home."

"Joy …"

He took her extended hand. It was cold and wet. For a moment he felt like an imaginary demon from the antiquity of old fairy tales.

"Joy …" he repeated … still holding her hand. "I wish I knew what to say … I know you're sorry for …"

"No," she said and smiled a tiny smile. "No, Gay … I'm not sorry for what happened. I wish it would have happened before we became strangers. I loved every moment and want you to know I did."

"I … I seem to regret everything I do …"

"No regrets, Gay. That's life. You can't help it because you don't love me, any more than I can help loving you. Oh, Gay … I guess I've loved you all my life." He started to speak. "No, dear, let me finish … please." She continued to look at him. "I'm not sorry for what happened. I'm glad it happened with you. Glad it was you and not someone else. I want you to know … you were the first … remember that … remember me." She released her hand from his. 154