Page:In defense of Harriet Shelley, and other essays.djvu/112

 MARK TWAIN

morning, the Major called for broiled chicken. The waiter said:

&quot;It s not in the bill of fare, sir; we do not serve anything but what is in the bill.&quot;

&quot;That gentleman yonder is eating a broiled chicken.&quot;

&quot;Yes, but that is different. He is one of the superintendents of the road.&quot;

&quot;Then all the more must I have broiled chicken. I do not like these discriminations. Please hurry bring me a broiled chicken.&quot;

The waiter brought the steward, who explained in a low and polite voice that the thing was impos sible it was against the rule, and the rule was rigid.

&quot;Very well, then, you must either apply it im partially or break it impartially. You must take that gentleman s chicken away from him or bring me one.&quot;

The steward was puzzled, and did not quite know what to do. He began an incoherent argument, but the conductor came along just then, and asked what the difficulty was. The steward explained that here was a gentleman who was insisting on having a chicken when it was dead against the rule and not in the bill. The conductor said:

&quot;Stick by your rules you haven t any option. Wait a moment is this the gentleman?&quot; Then he laughed and said: &quot;Never mind your rules it s my advice, and sound; give him anything he wants don t get him started on his rights. Give him what ever he asks for; and if you haven t got it, stop the train and get it.&quot;

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