Page:Idalia, by 'Ouida' volume 3.djvu/353

342 repute. As it was, I might as well have come forth from a lazar-house or a felon's cell. None knew his tie to me, except, of late years, the traitor who taught you to see in him my lover, my accomplice. True, my riches, my youth, my ancient name, my brilliancy and extravagance of life—other gifts that men saw in me—all brought me celebrity, notoriety, triumphs, such as they were. But from the first to the last—companioned by him—they were darkened by slander and falsehood. And he—ah! you may well ask if a man's heart ever beat,if a man's blood ever glowed in him!—knew it, knew it long ere ever I dreamt it, and let the shadow of his own evil fame lie upon me, because, through it, his schemes were best served; because by it, he could best secure what no other should ever share with him—the wealth that I held and he coveted. He feared that I might one day break from him, that I might one day give the love I give you. So he desired men to think me worthless as they would, and his presence beside me sufficed to fulfil his desire! No, no! do not pour on me those noble words, I am not worthy of them. Though sinned against, I am not sinless. When too late I saw what my fatal promise had wrought for me. I was in love with the dangers, the victories, the sway, the excitation I had plunged into; I