Page:How and Why Library 520.jpg

424 Don't try to appear profound, nor ride a hobby. People who are worth while in society are apt to be as serious as you are, but they need, all the more, to be relaxed and amused. Think before you speak: "Is this kind or wise or witty?" Flattery is unkind because it is insincere, but a well-turned compliment is always agreeable. It is unwise to make long explanations or apologies or to repeat the clever things you said yesterday.

Remember not to monopolize the conversation or sit glum and irresponsive. It is said that Lord Macaulay, while a brilliant talker, had equally brilliant "flashes of silence" in which he drew other people out to talk their best. Don't be witty at some one's else expense, unless it is in defense of some principle, and then be good-natured about it. Don't remark that a story some one has just told was invented in the Ark. The remark itself is antique. Don't tell an inappropriate story that will fall flat, nor miss the point. A low voice is an excellent thing in a man or woman, and a well-modulated, musical voice in conversation is a thing that is too little valued. Learn to express your thoughts in clear, simple English without violence or exaggeration.

Don't talk "shop." Shop to men is office affairs, money, markets, stocks and bonds, deals, "cases" for the doctor and lawyer, theology for the minister. Shop to women, is children, servants, clothes, bargains, dishonest tradesmen. Don't slight anyone, sneer or indulge in a superior smile at awkwardness. Don't carry disagreeable news, nor repeat to people the unkind things that are said about them. Don't warn people of their faults or tell them that they are looking bad. Never touch anyone, unnecessarily, unless very intimate. Familiarity is offensive. Ladies may be warm friends for years, yet never use each other's Christian names nor kiss each other.

Cultivate some gift that will give pleasure to others and be generous with it. If asked to sing, play, tell stories, read aloud or join in a parlor game, do so at once, cordially, or give some real reason for refusing. Don't wait to be teased, or you may be disappointed. Your refusal is ungracious and few people will urge you.