Page:Honest debtor, or, The virtuous man struggling with, rising superior to, and overcoming misfortune (2).pdf/12

12 sudden branded with infamy, condemned either to cease to live, or to live in disgrace, in exile or in prison ; discountenanced by his father-in-law, abonded by his friends, no longer daring to appear abroad, and de- sirious of finding some solitary and inacces- sible retreat that could conceal him from pursuit. It was in the midst of these horri- ble reflections that passed the longest of nights. Ah! the remembrance of it still makes me shudder! and neither my head nor my heart have recovered the shock I felt at this dreadful reverse of fortune: at last, this long conflict having overcome my spirits, my exhausted strength sunk into a calm still more dreadful. I considered the depth of the abyss into which I had fallen; and I began to conceive the cool resolution of putting an end of my existance. ' Let me weigh' said I, my last deter- mination, if I am to be dragged to prison I must perish there disgraced, without re- source and without hope. It is doubtless a thousand times letter to get rid of an insup- portable life, and to throw myself upon the mercy of God, who would perhaps pardon me for not being able to survive misfortune combined with dishonour. My pistols were cocked, they lay on the table, and as I fixed my eyes upon them, nothing appeared to me at this moment more easy than to put an end to every thing. But ah! how many villians, have done the same! How many