Page:Honest debtor, or, The virtuous man struggling with, rising superior to, and overcoming misfortune (1).pdf/13

( 13 ) worthleſs minds have poſſeſſed the ſame deſperate courage! And what can waſh away the blood in which I am going to imbrue my hands! Will my infamy be the leſs inſcribed upon my tomb, if, indeed I am allowed a tomb? And will my name, ſtigmatized by the laws, be buried with me? But what am I ſaying ? Wretch that I am! I am thinking of the ſhame, but who is to explate the guilt? I want to ſteal out of the world; but when I ſhall ceaſe to exiſt, who will make reſtitution to thoſe I have injured? Who will aſk forgiveneſs for a young mad-man, the ſquanderer of wealth that was not his own? Ah, let me die, if I can no longer hope to regain that eſteem which I have loſt! But is it not poſſible, at my age, with labour and time, to repair the errors of my youth, and to obtain pardon for my miſfortune? Then reflecting upon the reſources that were left me, if I had the fortitude to contend with my ill fate, I fancied I ſaw at a diſtance my honour emerging from behind the cloud that had obſcured it. I fancied I ſaw a plank placed at my feet to ſave me from ſhipwreck, and that I beheld a friendly port at hand ready to receive me. I retired into Holland; but before I ſet off, I wrote to my creditors, informed them that having given up all I had left in the world, I was ſtill going to devote my whole life to labour for their benefit; and entreated them to have patience.