Page:History of the Haverel wives, or, The folly of witless women displayed (3).pdf/15

 Janet Clinker's Oration. 15

of none effect; nothing muſt be uſed now but thunder-bolts of reproach tartly trimm'd up in a tantalizing ſtile, roughly redd up and manufactured thro' an auld Matron's mouth, Who is indeed but frail in the teeth, but will ſqueeze ſurprizingly with her auld gums until her very chaſt-blades crack in the cruſhing of your vice. I ſhall branch out my diſcourſe into four heads. Firſt, What I have ſeen,and been witneſs to. Secondiy, What I now ſee, and am witneſs to. Thirdly, What I have heard, does hear, and cannot help; I mean the difference between the old women and the young. Fourthly, Conclude with an advice to young men and young women, how to avoid the buying of Janet Juniper's ſtinking butter*, which will have a rotten rift on their ſtomach as long as they live. Firſt, The firſt thing then, I ſee and obſerve is, That a wheen daft giddy-headed, cock-noſed, juniper-nebbed mothers, bring up a wheen ſky-racket dancing daughters a' bred up to be ladies, without ſo much as the breadth of their luſe of land, it's an admiration to me, whare the lairds are a' to come -- *A nickname to the wife's daughter that no man will marry becauſe ſtuff'd full of lazineſs, ſelf-conceit and ſtinking pride; or if ſhe be married she'll ly like ſtinking butter on his ſtomach while ſhe lives.