Page:History of the Empress Josephine (1).pdf/8

8 that state of indifference which is any thing but agreeable, and which, to devotees in religion, gives more trouble than all their other pecadilloes. Love, being a species of worship, also requires that one feel very differently from all this; and henee the need I have of your advice, which might fix the perpetual irresolution of my feeble character. To assume a determination has ever appeared fatiguing to my Creole supineness, which finds it infinitely more convenient to follow the will of others.

“I admire the general's courage, the extent of his information—for, on all subjects he talks equally well—and the quickness of his judgment, which enables him to seize the thoughts of others almost before they are expressed; but, I confess it, I shrink from the despotism he seems desirous of exercising over all who approach him. His searching glance has something singular and inexplicable, which imposes even on our directors: judge if it may not intimidate a woman! Even—what ought to please me—the force of a passion, deseribed with an energy that leaves not a doubt of his sincerity, is precisely the cause which arrests the consent I am often on the point of pronouncing.

“Being now past the heyday of youth, can I hope long to preserve that ardour of attachment which in the general resembles a fit of delirium? If, after our union, he should eease to love me, will he not reproach me with what he will have sacrificed for my sake? will he not regret a more brilliant marriage which he might have contracted? What shall I then reply?—what shall I do? I shall weep. Excellent resource! you will say. Good heavens! I know that all this can serve no end; but it has ever been thus; tears are the only resource left me when this poor heart, so easily chilled, has suffered. Write quickly, and do not fear to scold me should you judge that I am wrong. You know that whatever comes from your pen will be taken in good part.

“Barras gives assurance that if I marry the general, he will so contrive as to have him appointed to the eommand of the army of Italy. Yesterday, Bonaparte, speaking of this favour, which already excites murmuring among his fellow