Page:History of John Cheap the comical chapman.pdf/14

 ter burst your bellies than give to the poor, or let good meat spoil; if your minister be as naughty as his people I'm sure positive he’ll drive a louse to London for the hide and tallow. Here I bought the weaver’s dinner for two-pence, and set off diligently, keeping my course westwards, it being now night again, I came to a farmer's house south from Dalkieth, the goodman being very civil and desirous of news, I related the whole particulars of the two days and two nights by past, whereat he was greatly diverted, and told me that I was the first ever that, man gave quarters to, though an elder of the parish. The goodman and I fell so kind, that he ordered me to be laid on a down beyond the fire, here I lay more snug than in the swine’s oxter. Now there was three women in a bed in the same apartment, and not minding that I was there, one of them got up and let her water in below the grate, where I had a full view of her bonny thing, as the coal fire burnt clear all night, then another rose and did the same, last of all got up the old matron, who appeared like a second-hand goodwife, or a over maid of sixty, and she let a roar of a Fart louder than the sound of a trumpet, as she let her dam go, which made the ashes on the hearth fly up like a thick mist about her buttocks, whereat I burst out a laughing, which made her run for it, but to smother the laughter, I the blankets in my mouth, she went to bed and wakened the other two, saying,, what'll I tell you, yon chapman body has seen the night, shame fa’ him, said they, for we had nae there, I wat well, says one of them, I'se no rise till he be awa'; but, said the old woman, he has seen mine, I canna help it, it s just like other fouks, a hair I care. Early in the morning, the old matron wakened the whole house, then she telling me every body was up, asked me laughing in my sleep,