Page:History of John Cheap, the Chapman (7).pdf/3

3 PART I.

The following Relation is taken from his own mouth verbatim.

I, JOHN CHEAP, by chance, at some certain time, doubtless against my will, was born at the Hottom, near Habertchoy Mill. My father was a Scotch Highlander, and my mother a Yorkshire wench, but honest, which causes me to be of a mongrel kind: I made myself a chapman when very young, in hopes of being rich when I became old; but fortune was fickle, and so was I; for I began to consider the danger of deep ditches, midden dubs, biting dogs, bogles in barns, bangster wives and weet sacks; and what comfort is it says I, to lie in the cow's oxter the length of a cold winter night; to sit behind backs till the kail be a' cuttied up, and then to lick colly's leavings.

My first journey was through Old Kilpatrick, I got no meat nor money until the evening I began to ask for lodging, then every wife to get me away would either give me cogful of kail, or a piece of cake. Well says I to myself, if this be the way, I shall begin in the morning to ask for lodging, or any time when I am hungry. Thus I continued going from house to house, until my belly was like to burst, and my pockets could hold no more; at last I came to a farmer's house, but thinking it not dark enough to prevail for lodging, I sat down upon a stone at the end of a house, till day light would go away; and as I was getting up to go into the house, out comes the goodwife, and sat down at the end of the stone. I being at the other, there she began to let off her water with full force, which I bore with very modestly, till near an end; then she made the wind follow