Page:Heartbreak House, Great Catherine, and Playlets of the War.djvu/331



THE LADY. Blueloo.

AUGUSTUS.[into the telephone]. Put me through to Lord Hungerford Highcastle...I'm his brother, idiot...That you, Blueloo? Lady here at Little Pifflington wants to speak to you. Hold the line. [To the lady.] Now, madam [he hands her the receiver].

THE LADY.[sitting down in Augustus's chair to speak into the telephone]. Is that Blueloo?...Do you recognize my voice?...I've won our bet&middot;&middot;&middot;

AUGUSTUS. Your bet!

THE LADY.[into the telephone]. Yes: I have the list in my wallet&middot;&middot;&middot;

AUGUSTUS. Nothing of the kind, madam. I have it here in my pocket. [He takes the envelope from his pocket: draws out the paper: and unfolds it.]

THE LADY.[continuing]. Yes: I got clean into the street with it. I have a witness. I could have got to London with it. Augustus won't deny it&middot;&middot;&middot;

AUGUSTUS.[contemplating the blank paper]. There's nothing written on this. Where is the list of guns?

THE LADY.[continuing]. Oh, it was quite easy. I said I was my sister-in-law and that I was a Hun. He lapped it up like a kitten&middot;&middot;&middot;

AUGUSTUS. You don't mean to say that&mdash;

THE LADY.[continuing]. I got hold of the list for a moment and changed it for a piece of paper out of his stationery rack: it was quite easy [she laughs: and it is clear that Blueloo is laughing too]

AUGUSTUS. What!

THE CLERK.[laughing slowly and laboriously, with intense enjoyment]. Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha! [Augustus rushes at him; he snatches up the poker and stands on guard.] No you don't.

THE LADY.[still at the telephone, waving her disengaged hand behind her impatiently at them to stop making a