Page:Harold Macgrath--The girl in his house.djvu/151

 what she was like, what her heart and mind were. I told her she might write to me care of the American consulate at Alexandria, Egypt. I wrote to the consulate to forward her letter, should it come. A month later I received it. It was a child's letter, so full of unspoken yearning that my heart grew troubled; I regretted that I had written at all. Remember, I did not know what was happening to me." The voice was a low monotone, without emphasis, without inflections. Bordman was husbanding his waning strength.

"My heart grew troubled. But with the old, senseless fury I beat down the feeling. I didn't want her. I didn't want her. I was fighting God and didn't know it! Out of these tentative impulses evolved what I believed to be a great idea. I carried out the imposture at great lengths. I studied the globe in my office, delved into the encyclopedia. Without realizing it, I had found an interest in life, a cruel one, but nevertheless engaging. I fell to explaining the world to her, the pitfalls, the false dawns. I believe I wrote very well. About the time you left home because a rattle-pated woman had