Page:Hardy - Jude the Obscure, 1896.djvu/453

 They have been kept entirely at a distance since you became my guardian angel! Since I have had you I have been able to go into any temptations of the sort without risk. Isn't my safety worth a little sacrifice of dogmatic principle? I am in terror lest, if you leave me, it will be with me another case of the pig that was washed turning back to his wallowing in the mire!"

Sue burst out weeping. "Oh, but you must not, Jude! You won't! I'll pray for you night and day!"

"Well, never mind; don't grieve," said Jude, generously. "I did suffer, God knows, about you at that time; and now I suffer again. But perhaps not so much as you. The woman mostly gets the worst of it in the long-run."

"She does."

"Unless she is absolutely worthless and contemptible! And this one is not that, anyhow!"

Sue drew a nervous breath or two. "She is—I fear.... Now, Jude—good-night—please!"

"I mustn't stay? Not just once more? As it has been so many times. Oh, Sue, my wife, why not?"

"No—no—no not wife!... I am in your hands, Jude, don't tempt me back, now I have advanced so far!"

"Very well. I do your bidding. I owe that to you, darling, in penance for how I overruled it at the first time. My God, how selfish I was! Perhaps—perhaps I spoiled one of the highest and purest loves that ever existed between man and woman!... Then let the veil of our temple be rent in two from this hour!"

He went to the bed, removed one of the pair of pillows thereon, and flung it to the floor.

Sue looked at him, and, bending over the bed-rail, wept silently. "You don't see that it is a matter of conscience with me, and not of dislike to you!" she brokenly murmured. Dislike to you! But I can't say any more—it breaks my heart—it will be undoing all I have begun! Jude—good-night!"