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 surrounded me — those  who  judged  of  my  position  in  the world — knew not  what  was  passing  within  me,  and  yet  they cried out,  Oh,  how  envious  is  the  lot  of  that  man! how happy he  must  be!

But they  did  not  see  my  dejection  of  mind;  they  did not know  of  the  insupportable  anguish  of  a  heart  weighed down by  sin.

It was  then,  O  my  God,  that  I  knew  of  the  unutterable joy I  felt  when  I  found  myself  supported  by  Thy  grace, and that  I  tasted  of  that  peace  which  is  now  my  inseparable companion.

The operations  of  grace  in  the  conversion  of  a  sinner  are not always  the  same.

At one  time  it  is  a  sharp  and  piercing  ray,  which,  darting from the  bosom  of  the  Eternal  Father,  enlightens,  strikes, humbles, and  overcomes  those  upon  whom  it  descends;  at another  time,  it  is  a  more  subdued  brightness,  which  has its progression  and  succession,  which  seems  to  battle  for victory over  the  dark  clouds  which  it  wishes  to  disperse, and after  a  thousand  attacks,  succeeded  by  as  many repulses, it  remains  for  some  time  doubtful  which  shall carry off  the  palm.

Now, it  is  a  powerful  God  who  overthrows  the  cedars  of Lebanon;  then  it  is  the  God  most  patient,  who  wrestles with His  servant  Jacob,  and  holds  him  fast  in  order  to make  him  enter  the  right  path  wherein  He  invites  him.

It is  thus,  O  my  God! that You  act  as  the  instructor, the master  of  all  hearts.

First proof  of  grace:  To  conquer  a  guilty  and  rebellious soul, which  alone  would  prevent  its  conversion,  God  even makes use  of  its  guilty  passion. He seeks  to  excite  it  in those  very  places  in  which  the  sinner  sought  for  pleasure and amusement. Saul in  his  fury  runs  to  Damascus  in  order