Page:HG Wells--secret places of the heart.djvu/225

213 to talk again of herself, and in such a way as to give a new turn to Sir Richmond’s thoughts.

“Perhaps I ought to tell you a little more about myself,” she said; “now that I have told you so much. I did a thing that still puzzles me. I was filled with a sense of hopeless disaster in France and I suppose I had some sort of desperate idea of saving something out of the situation.... I renewed my correspondence with Gunter Lake. He made the suggestion I knew he would make, and I renewed our engagement.”

“To go back to wealth and dignity in New York?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t love him?”

“That’s always been plain to me. But what I didn’t realize, until I had given my promise over again, was that I dislike him—acutely.”

“You hadn’t realized that before?”

“I hadn’t thought about him sufficiently. But now I had to think about him a lot. The other affair had given me an idea perhaps of what it means to be married to a man. And here I am drifting back to him. The horrible thing about him is the steady—enveloping way in which he has always come at me. Without fellowship. Without any community of ideas. Ready to make the most extraordinary bargains. So long as he can in any way fix me and get me. What does it mean? What is there behind those watching,