Page:Grinning made easy, or, Funny Dick's unrivalled collection of jests, jokes, bulls, epigrams &c. (1).pdf/5

 I think, Sir, you have got the staff of life on the point of death.

One day, Socrates, having for a long time endured his wife’s brawling, went out of his house, and sat down before the door, to rid himself of her impertinence. The woman, enraged to find all her scolding unable to disturb his tranquility, flung the contents of a chamber-pot on his head. Those that happened to see it, laughed heartily at poor Socrates; but this philosopher observed, smiling, "I thought, indeed, after so much thunder we should have rain."

A clergyman chose for his text the following words : ‘ Which of you will go up with me to Ramoth-Gilead ?" Then pausing, he again and again repeated the words, when a gallant tar started from his seat, and looking round him with an eye full of indignation, he exclaimed, Will none of you go up with the worthy gentleman ; Then, d-n me, I will go myself.

An old beggar, pretending to be dumb, was thrown off his guard by the question, How many years have you been dumb ; and answered, Five years last June, please your honour.

A countryman sowing his ground, two smart fellows riding by, one of them called to him with an insolent air, Well honest fellow, ’tis your buisness to sow, but we reap the fruits of your labour. To