Page:Grinning made easy, or, Funny Dick's unrivalled collection of jests, jokes, bulls, epigrams &c. (1).pdf/22

 says to her, ' Marget, what’s heeoioe of the tortoise?—I have not seen it for some days” But Marget ‘ didna ken ought about it.’ ‘ You had better light a candle, and see if it has not got into the coal-hole : poor thing ! it will be starving for want of meat.’ A candle was accordingly lighted, and looking over her shoulder, he observed it, as he had expected, snug among the coals. ' Ah, there it is, poor creature !’ said he: ‘ take it out, and place it near the fire.’ Is that what ye ca’ the tortoise ?” quoth Marget in astonishment: ‘ Od, Sir, I’ve been breaking the coals wi’t this fortnight past !’

A few days ago a hawker, while cheapening his haberdashery wares, was bawling out, ‘ Here’s the real good napkins : they’ll neither tear, wear, ruffle, nor rive ; throw in the washing, or go back in the pressing. All the water between the rocks of Gibraltar and the Cape of Good Hope will not alter the colour of them. They were woven seven miles below ground by the light of diamonds; and the people never saw day light but once in the seven years. They were not woven by a brosy clumsy apprentice boy, but by a right and tight good tradesman, who got two eggs, and a cup tea, and a glass of whisky to his breakfast,; and every thread is as long and strong as would hang a bull, or draw a man-of-war ship into harbour.’