Page:Georges Eekhoud - Escal Vigor, a novel.djvu/237

Rh peculiarity. And, at the bare idea, I revolted inwardly against that opprobrium with which they would not have failed to visit me, "advanced" and audacious as they pretended to be. The most generous, while refraining from blame, would have shunned me like a leper. How often in less cultivated circles, when I heard people speak with withering contempt and with horrible words and gestures, of lovers of my sort, was I not on the point of bursting out and proclaiming my identity with the alleged transgressors and spitting in the face of these merciless honest people!

"And my sufferings also, when the conversation turned on gallantry and good fortunes! Forced to laugh and to join in the competition of licentious stories and to relate in my turn, a broad jest or a feat of libertinism, I felt my heart rise and I reproached myself for my base compliance.

"The "Fire Shepherd," whose legend lately thou heard'st me relate, refused to go on pilgrimage to Rome to throw himself at the feet of the Pope and implore his pardon. That sinner repudiated any arbiter between his conscience and the crowd. I was humbler. One day I wrote to an illustrious