Page:Fighting Back (1924).pdf/330

 But Hilda ain't puttin' nothin' out. She tells me to cut myself a piece of cake and immediately takes the air! A nice girl what?"

"How did you get into this jam?" I hollers, angrily. "Never mind your love affairs!"

"A dose of patience woulddo you the world of good," says Ptomaine. "Well, the chauffeur starts gettin' rosey with me and I get steamed myself when in the midst of his barkin' and meowin' he claims I'm a big bum! They ain't nobody goin' to push me around like 'at, which I told him. The big false alarm goes crazy and chooses me and then the fun began! I'm sprayin' him with left hooks and givin' him a proper cuffin', when a couple of coppers comes poundin' up. I told 'em I was Ptomaine Joe, the heavyweight sensation, and they told me I was both a liar and pinched! Well, I'm cop-proof. I knocked them two bulls and the taxi yegg stiff, but then all the cops in the world held a reunion over my body. They was too frequent for me and here I am. Check me out of this trap, will you? I want to go places!"

How would you like to be pilot for a jobbie like that?

Disgusted, I went out to the desk sergeant and asked him to let me lamp what the blotter had to state about Mons. Ptomaine Joe.

"There you are!" snarls the sarg, pushin' the blotter towards me. "Read it and weep!"

As near as I can remember, the blotter read like thus: