Page:Exploits of wise Willy, and witty Eppie of Buckhaven.pdf/9

9 their college stands, they'll tell you, if your nose were in their a—, your mouth would be at the door of it.

Now, it so happened, when Wise Willie turned old he took a great swelling in his wame and casting up his kail, collops, and cauld fish, that nothing could stand on his stomach, and a stout stomach he had, for crabs, beads, and scate-broth, or brose in a bridal morning, yet it fail'd him, and he fell sick: none could cure him nor tell what ail'd him, till a mountebank stage doctor came to Kircaldy, that could judge by people's piss, the trouble of their person———Wise Willie hearing of his fame, pissed into a bottle, and sent it away with his daughter. The bottle being uncorked his daughter spilt it by the way; to conceal her sloth in so doing she pissed in it herself, and goes on till she came to the stage doctor, when she cried out aloud Sir doctor, sir doctor, here is a bottle of my father's wash, he has a sair guts, and needs na drite ony, but spews a' he eats. Its true I tell you my dow. The doctor looks at it, then says, Its not your father's, surely it is your mother's, The de'ils itha man, said she, dinna I ken my father frae my mither. Then said he he is with child. The de'ils itha man, co' she, for my mither bare a' the bairns before, dat's no true sir, figs ye're a great liar. Hame she comes, and tell'd Willie, her father, that the doctor said he was wi' bairn O waes me, co'