Page:Exploits of wise Willie and witty Eppie, the ale-wife, of Buckhaven (2).pdf/10



10                       4. Now, it happened when Wise Willie turned old, he took a great swelling in                     his wame and casting up his kail, col- lops, and cauld fish, that nothing could stand on his stomach; and a 'stout sto- mach had he, for crabs heads, and scate- broe, or brose in a bridal morning; yet it fail'd him, and he fell sick. None could cure him, nor tell what ail'd him, till a mountebank stage doctor came to                     Kirkaldy, that could judge by people's                      piss, the trouble of their person.--Wise Willie hearing of his fame, pissed into a bottle, and sent it away with his daugh- ter.--The bottle being uncorked, his daughter spilt it by the way; and to con- ceal her sloth in so doing, pissed in it                     herself, and on she goes, till she care to the stage-doctor, when she cried out aloud, Sir doctor, Sir doctor, here is a                     bottle of my father's wash, he has a sair guts, and needs na' drite ony, but spues a' he eats. It's true I tell you, my dow. The doctor looks at it, then says, 'It's not your father's, surely it's your mother's.                     The de'ils itha man, said she, divna I                      ken my father frae my mother. Then, said he, he is with child. The de'ils itha man, co' she, for my mither bare a'                     de bairns before, dat's no true, sir; figs ye're a great liar. Hame she comes, and tell'd Willie, her father, that the