Page:Exploits of Wise Willie and Witty Eppie, the ale-wife, of Buckhaven (1).pdf/9

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their College ſtands, they'll tell you, if your noſe were in their as your mouth would be at the door of it.

4. Now, it happened when Wife Willie turned old, he took a great ſwelling in his wame and caſting up his kail, collups, and cauld fiſh, that nothing could ſtand on his ſtomach; and a ſtout ftomach had he, for crabs, heads, and ſcate-broe, or broſe in a bridal morning; yet it fail'd him, and he fell ſick, None could cure him, nor tell what ail'd him till a mountebank ſtage doctor came to Kirkcaldy, that could judge by people's piſs, the trouble of their perſon.- Wiſe Willie hearing of his ſame, piſſed into a bottle, and ſent it away with his daughter- The bottle being uncorked, his daughter ſpilt it by the way; and to conceal he: flesh in ſo doing, piſſed in it herſelf, and on the goes, till ſhe came to the ſtage-doctor, when the cried out aloud, Sir door, Sir doctor, here is a bottle of my father's waſh, he has a fair guts, and needs na' drite ony, but ſpues a' he eats. It's true I tell you, my dow. The doctor locks at it, then ſays, It's not your father's, ſurely it's your mother's. The de'ils itha man, ſaid he, divna I ken my father frae my mither. Then, ſaid he, he is with child. The de'il's itha man, co' ſhe, for my mither bare a' de bairns before, dat's no true, ſir: figs ye're a great liar. Hame ſhe comes, and tell'd Willie, her father, that the doctor ſaid he was wi' bairn. O waes me, co' Willie,