Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/95

 accordingly did, and gave a receipt for two guineas, but not upon stamped paper. The Quaker immediately went to a neighbouring Justice, showed him the receipt, told him he had just taken it, and asked if it was according to law? "No," said the Justice, "It should have been stamped." On this the Justice who levied the fine, was brought before the quorum, and fined in the penalty of five pounds.

Childish Wit and Wisdom. It was a good thought of a little girl who was at dinner among a large party (fearing she had been forgotten to be helped) to crumble some bread upon her plate, saying at the same time to a boiled chicken near her, "Come, Biddy, come."

Public School Equity. A gentleman, resident at Harrow, made frequent complaints to the masters of the great school there, of his garden being stripped of its fruit, even before it became ripe—but to no purpose.

Tired of applying to the masters for redress, he at length appealed to the boys, and, sending for one to his house, he said, "Now, my good fellow, I'll make this agreement with you and your companions: let the fruit remain on the trees till it becomes ripe, and I promise to give you half."

The boy coolly replied, "I can say nothing to the proposition, sir, myself, but will make it known to the rest of the boys, and inform you of their decision to-morrow."

Next day came, and brought with it this reply: "The gentlemen of Harrow cannot agree to receive so unequal a share, since Mr is an individual, and we are many."

Dining Late. Some one remarking that the dinner-hour was always getting later and later, "Ay," quoth Sam Rogers, "it will soon end in our not dining till to-morrow."

His Own—with Usury. A cornet of hussars, who was not the most polished in his manners, having joined his regiment, was asked by his colonel what his father was.

"A farmer," said the cornet.

"Pity your father did not make you follow his trade."

"Pray, sir," asked the cornet, "what is your father?"