Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/82

 little progress in thy learning, for which thou art an ass, and I am thy Father,—R. T.

It is reported that one day, when Lord Brougham had driven to the House in the vehicle of his own invention, which Robinson, the coachmaker, had christened after him, he was met in the robing-room by the Duke of Wellington, who, after a low bow, accosted him thus:

"I have always hitherto lived under the impression that your Lordship would go down to posterity as the great apostle of education, the emancipator of the negro, the restorer of abused charities, the reformer of the law. But no, you will hereafter be known only as the inventor of a carriage."

"And I, my lord duke, have always been under the delusion that your grace would be remembered as the hero of a hundred battles, the liberator of Europe, the conqueror of Napoleon. But no, your grace will be known as the inventor of a pair of boots."

"Confound the boots!" said the Iron Duke, "I had quite forgotten them. You have the best of it."

Mr Spurgeon on one occasion was much annoyed by three young men persisting in wearing their hats in the Tabernacle. He appeared for the time not to notice them, but proceeded to tell his audience of a visit he paid to a Jewish Synagogue.

"When I entered," he said, "I took off my hat, but was informed that the great mark of respect was to keep it on. I did so, though I can assure you I felt very strange wearing my hat in a place of worship. And now, as I paid this mark of respect to the Synagogue, may I ask those three Jews in the gallery to conform equally to our rules, and kindly uncover their heads."

The young men "collapsed."

A country lad went to be confirmed by the bishop, who, inquiring if he had learned his catechism, asked him how many commandments there were.

"Forty," replied Hodge.

"Go home, child, and learn better," said the bishop.

On his return home, Hodge met a companion who was also