Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/81

 "Then your mistress will do," said the gentleman.

"She," said the girl, "is gone out, too."

"My business is of consequence," returned he; "is your master's son at home?"

"No, sir," replied the girl, "he is gone out."

"That's unlucky, indeed," replied he; "but perhaps it may not be long before they return; I will step in and sit by your fire."

"Oh, sir," said the girl, "the fire has gone out, too."

Upon this the gentleman good-temperedly bade her inform her master that he did not expect to be received so coolly.

A proud parson and his man, riding over a common, saw a shepherd tending his flock in a new coat. The parson asked in a haughty tone, who gave him that coat.

"The same people," said the shepherd, "that clothe you—the parish."

The parson, nettled a little, rode on, murmuring, a considerable way, and sent his man back to ask the shepherd if he would come and live with him, for he wanted a fool. The man went to the shepherd, accordingly, and delivered his master's message, concluding that his master really wanted a fool.

"Are you going away, then?" said the shepherd.

"No," answered the other.

"Then you may tell your master," replied the shepherd, "his living won't maintain three of us."

Sheridan being on a Parliamentary committee, one day entered the room as all the members were seated, and ready to commence business. Perceiving no empty seat, he bowed, and looking round the table with a droll expression of countenance, said, "Will any gentleman move that I may take the chair?"

,—Thy mother hath taken an old coat of mine, to make thee one against this time. I have sent Peggy with the old mare; thou and she can ride back by turns. I am told thou makest