Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/79

 editor followed up his reproaches with the question, "Who is this Lord Shaftesbury?" and then continued, "some unknown lordling; one of your modern philanthropists, suddenly started up to take part in a passing agitation. It is a pity he does not look at home. Where was he when Lord Ashley (Lord Shaftesbury's title in early life) was so nobly fighting for the Factory Bill, and pleading the cause of the English slave? We never even heard the name of Lord Shaftesbury then?"

The curate of a London church, whose pronunciation is more pedantic than proper, has been very justly snubbed for alluding to the heir-apparent as though his name was written "Awlbut" Edward. He was asked the other day why he so significantly excluded the Prince of Wales in his prayer for the Royal Family.

"Exclude him! What do you mean?"

"Why," said his friend, "you always pray for all but Edward, Prince of Wales!"

Little Rudolph one day begged an invitation to dinner at the house of a little friend with whom he had been playing during the morning. At the table his hostess anxiously enquired: "Rudolph, can you cut your own meat?"

"Humph!" said Rudolph, who was sawing away, "Can't I? I've cut up a great deal of tougher meat than this at home."

"Yours is a very expensive school," said papa, with a long face and a short purse.

"Very sorry. Dad," replied young Hopeful, "but I don't learn more than I can help."

Some gentlemen of a Bible Association calling upon an old woman to see if she had a Bible were severely reproved by the old lady's reply.

"Do you think, gentlemen, that I am a heathen, that you ask me that question?" Then, addressing a little girl, she said: "Run and fetch me the Bible out of the drawer that I may show it to the gentlemen."