Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/77

, it was gone. Missing was very severe in his examination of the witness.

"Do you mean to say the donkey was stolen from the gate?"

"I mean to say, sir," giving the judge and jury a sly look, at the same time pointing to the counsel, "the ass was Missing."

Some years ago at the Derby, when the grand prize was won by a French horse, the Frenchmen present cheered most vociferously, and in addition to other expressions of triumph, one of them shouted, "Waterloo avenged!"

"Yes," said Sir William Harcourt, who was standing by, and whose ready wit and crushing sarcasm have so often turned the tables on his opponents," you ran well in both cases."

A Dean of Canterbury, remarkable for holding a great number of church-preferments, travelling slowly in his chariot to that city, was overtaken by a poor parson, who had somehow procured the loan of a good horse. The parson, en passant, bowed most respectfully to the Dean, who, desiring him to stop, begged he would call at the Mermaid at Rochester, and order him a dinner, to be ready at a certain hour. The parson accordingly called on the host, and told him that he would be honoured with a visit at such a time, and must provide a good dinner.

"For how many, and please your honour?" says Boniface.

"Why," replied the parson, "I can't well say how many persons the whole company will consist of, for I only saw the Dean of Canterbury, the Canon of Winchester, the Provost of Lichfield, the Rector of Orpington, the Vicar of Romney, and one of the King's chaplains."

The parson then proceeded to his own home, which was within a few miles, and the landlord began to make ample provision for the numerous guests he expected to entertain. Accordingly, when the dean arrived, a large table was set, and the cloth laid.

"How's this! "cries his reverence, "you have shown me the wrong room; this, surely, is intended for a large company."

"And please your honour," replied the landlord, "Parson Singlechurch called about an hour and a half ago, and told me I must provide for your honour, and the Canon of Winchester, and