Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/67

 marble canal, under a fountain, where he had been amusing himself by eating the gold fish and doubling his size."—Daily Paper.

In Sir Joseph's marble dishes Cuts about them golden Fishes, All their life in splendour passes — Them's, you see. Us Hupper Classes.

From his tank, while folks is sleeping, Comes the nasty Mud-fish leaping, With no end of spite toward us — That's, you see, the Lower Horders,

Up and down our basin scouring, All his betters he's devouring, Gorging till he gets enormous — Just as would them low Reformers. Moral struck me when I see'd 'em: Don't give low folks too much freedom: Gold-fish lives on this here basis: — Keep the Mud-fish in their places. [1]

Hook's residence at Putney afforded occasion for the delivery of one of his best bon-mots. A friend, viewing Putney bridge from the little terrace that overhung the Thames, observed that he had been informed that it was a very good investment, and, turning to his host, inquired "if such was the case—if the bridge really answered?"

"I don't know," said Theodore, "but you have only to cross it, and you are sure to be tolled." [28]

As Haydn was amusing himself one morning in shopping, he inquired of the music-seller if he had any select and beautiful music.

"Certainly," replied the shopman, "I have just printed some sublime music of Haydn's."

"Oh," returned Haydn, "I'll have nothing to do with that."

"How, sir! you will have nothing to do with Haydn's music! And pray, what fault have you to find with it?"

"Oh, plenty; but it's useless talking about it since it does not suit me; show me some other."