Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/61

 wouldn't hear of such a thing. Charles went out in a tiff, and never came home again till two in the morning. Said he had been kept up talking over business. Business, indeed! His eyes were so red, and he smelt so dreadfully of cigars! The cold shoulder of mutton for you, sir, to-morrow!

.—My lord wanted soda-water this morning. In his tantrums at breakfast, because there were no bloaters—went out directly after. Asked him if he was going to the Pantheon?—took no notice. Oh, I am afraid he's very sly! Ordered the cold shoulder and no rice-pudding, to-day; bought the stockings. Home came Charles to dinner with a friend; so vexed about the bill of fare. Serves him right!

.—Charles away again early, told me not to wait for him. Nice lamb chops, all alone at two. Charles back at half-past twelve; saw a play-bill hanging out of his pocket: and taxed him, when he admitted he had been to Drury Lane. Why couldn't he have taken me?

.—He wanted half-a-dozen pocket-handkerchiefs, and gave me the money to buy them. Got him four—quite enough for him. Bought a nice cardinal. Saw such a love of a work-box in a shop in Regent Street—five guineas!—Oh, how my fingers itched for it. Charles this afternoon in a good humour; gave him a broad hint about the work-box. I shall get it.

.—Charles scolding this morning about his wrist-bands, which had no buttons. Sewed them on myself, and pacified him. Asked him if he would like to dine out to-day; said, " No." How provoking! for I wanted to spend the day at Mrs Hopkin's. Had a few words about the mutton, whether it should be boiled or roast: but thought it best to give way. Surprised him at dinner with College dumplings—my own making. Mixed him a nice glass of brandy and water afterwards. Got the work-box!

There, Punch, I am already your debtor for many a good joke; increase the obligation by one more; that of letting me show my wife the above in print.—I am, &c.,.

Three aprons, two dusters, the face of a pig, A dirty jack-towel, a dish-clout, a wig; The foot of a stocking, three caps and a frill, A busk and six buttons, mouse-trap and quill;