Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/56

 Mr Oldcastle dwells in a modern-built hut, Miss Sage is of mad-caps the archest: Of all the queer bachelors Cupid e'er cut, Old Mr Younghusband's the starchest. Mr Child, in a passion, knocked down Mr Rock, Mr Stone like an aspen-leaf shivers; Miss Pool used to dance, but she stands like a stock Ever since she became Mrs Rivers. Mr Swift hobbles onward, no mortal knows how, He moves as though cords had entwined him; Mr Metcalf ran off upon meeting a cow, With pale Mr Turnbull behind him.

Mr Barker's as mute as a fish in the sea, Mr Miles never moves on a journey; Mr Gotobed sits up till half after three, Mr Makepeace was bred an attorney. Mr Gardener can't tell a flower from a root, Mr Wild with timidity draws back, Mr Ryder performs all his journeys on foot, Mr Foot all his journeys on horseback.

Mr Penny, whose father was rolling in wealth, Consumed all the fortune his dad won; Large Mr Le Fever's the picture of health; Mr Goodenough is but a bad one; Mr Cruikshank stepped into three thousand a year By showing his leg to an heiress: Now I hope you'll acknowledge I've made it quite clear, Surnames ever go by contraries. [37]

The late Lord Mansfield told the following anecdote about himself from the bench: He had turned off his coachman for certain acts of peculation, not uncommon in this class of persons. The fellow begged his lordship to give him a character.

'What kind of a character can I give you?' said his lordship.

"Oh, my lord, any character your lordship chooses to give me, I shall most thankfully receive."

His lordship accordingly sat down and wrote as follows:

"The bearer,, has served me three years in the