Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/55

 From 'orse-pond, 'anging, and from 'alter, And consecrated you in haltar; And placed you where you'd never be, In honour and in honesty ; We think your talking an intrusion, And shall not mend our elocution. Kidderminster, Jan. 25, 1837.

"Martha, does thee love me?" asked a Quaker youth, of one at whose shrine this heart's fondest feelings had been offered up.

"Why, Seth," answered she, "we are commanded to love one another, are we not?"

"Ay, Martha; but does thee regard me with that feeling that the world calls love?"

"I hardly know what to tell thee, Seth: I have greatly feared that my heart was an erring one. I have tried to bestow my love on all; but I may have sometimes thought, perhaps, that thee was getting rather more than thy share."

Men once were surnamed for their shape or estate (You all may from history worm it). There was Louis the Bulky, and Henry the Great, John Lackland, and Peter the Hermit; But now, when the door-plates of misters and dames Are read, each so constantly varies; From the owner's trade, figure, and calling, surnames Seem given by the rule of contraries.

Mr Wise is a dunce, Mr King is a Whig, Mr Coffin's uncommonly sprightly, And huge Mr Little broke down in his gig While driving fat Mrs Golightly. At Bath, where the feeble go more than the stout, (A conduct well worthy of Nero), Over poor Mr Lightfoot, confined with the gout, Mr Heavyside danced a bolero.

Miss Joy, wretched maid, when she chose Mr Love, Found nothing but sorrow await her; She now holds in wedlock, as true as a dove, That fondest of mates, Mr Hayter.