Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/49

 a man might be allowed to treat his wife like a bank-note after she had turned forty, and change her into two twenties! [16]

Mr Cooper, R.A., was once down at Osborne, painting some cattle before the Queen and her Consort. The artist had been defending the presence of some dock-leaves in the foreground of his composition:—

"Well," said the Prince, jocosely, "they are beautifully painted, and doubtless assist the composition, but they do not give evidence of good farming," Her Majesty smiled appreciatively, and, shaking her finger at the Prince, said: "How about the little pool of water in which the heifer's hind-legs are standing?"—"Oh," said His Royal Highness, laughing, "I think it is a beautiful artistic idea, and gives a stamp of nature to the scene."—"Yes, Albert," said the Queen, "and I like its introduction much, but it is not evidence of good draining." Upon this they both laughed heartily. [16]

If one is asked to be literal, he can scarcely be too conscientiously so, especially in a court of law.

"Now, you must give explicit and exact answers. You said you drove a milk-cart, didn't you?"

"No, sir, I didn't."

"Don't you drive a milk-cart?"

"No, sir."

"Ah, then, what do you do, sir?"

"I drive a hoss."

Lord Eldon dining with the late Duke of York, commander-in-chief, there was a large party of military men at table. Amongst other distinguished guests was Greenwood, the great army agent, of whom the Duke himself, as well as half the army, perhaps, had borrowed money in their time. After the wine had been going round the table, a young officer rose and begged his royal highness's permission to propose a toast. This request being graciously granted, the proposer went on to say, much to the amusement of his interested brother officers especially, "Then, your royal highness, I beg to give the health of a gentleman now