Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/46

 the will. The shoemaker, in a feeble voice, bequeathed half of the property to the widow.

"What shall be done with the remainder?" asked the lawyer.

"The remainder," replied he, "I give and bequeath to the poor little shoemaker across the street, who has always been a good neighbour and a deserving man,"—thus securing a rich bequest to himself.

The widow was thunderstruck with the man's audacious cunning, but did not dare to expose the fraud; and so the two rogues shared the estate.

A gentleman who introduced his brother to Dr Johnson, was earnest to recommend him to the doctor's notice, which he did by saying, "When we have sat together some time, you'll find my brother grow very entertaining."

"Sir," said Johnson, "I can wait."

A chimney-sweep's boy went into a baker's shop for a twopenny loaf, and conceiving it to be diminutive in size, remarked to the baker that he did not believe it was weight.

"Never mind that," said the man of dough, "you will have the less to carry."

"True," replied the lad, and throwing three-halfpence on the counter, left the shop.

The baker called after him that he had not left money enough.

"Never mind that," said young sooty, "you will have the less to count."

Dr Johnson having argued for some time with a very pertinacious gentleman, his opponent, who had talked in a very puzzling manner, happened to say, "I don't understand you, sir;" upon which Johnson observed, "Sir, I have found you an argument, but I am not obliged to find you an understanding."

John was thought to be very stupid. He was sent to a mill one day, and the miller said, "John, some people say you are a fool! Now, tell me what you do know, and what you don't know."