Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/44

 "I do not doubt it," said Sheridan," for these last three days since I began have been the longest to me in my life."

Dr Digby, going round to the mews, finds his new coachman's children playing about, and introduces himself:—" Well, my little man, and do you know who I am?"

"Yes," said the boy; "you're the man as rides in father's carriage."

An old lady went into a Brighton bookstore the other day with an order which was rather difficult to fill. She said to the clerk at the counter: "Do you keep Bibles?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, I want a small pocket-Bible in very large print."

The following story is related in Tom Moore's "Diary" about John Kemble. He was performing one of his favourite parts, at some country theatre, and was interrupted from time to time by the crying of a child in the gallery, until at length, angered by this rival performance, Kemble walked with solemn steps to the front of the stage, and addressing the audience in his most tragic tones, said: "Ladies and gentlemen, unless the play is stopped, the child cannot possibly go on."

A friend of Dr Johnson, in conversation with him, was lamenting the disagreeable situation in which those persons stood who were eminent for their witticisms, as they were perpetually expected to be saying good things—that it was a heavy tax on them.

"It is, indeed," said Johnson, "a very heavy tax on them—a tax which no man can pay who does not steal."

A French doctor had just been operating upon Douglas Jerrold. The patient had winced a little, and the operator had said, "Tut! tut! It's nothing—nothing at all!"

Presently some hot water was brought in. The doctor put his fingers in it, and sharply withdrew them, with an oath. The