Page:Everybody's Book of English wit and humour (1880).djvu/41

 did not introduce the subject, and his younger brother was obliged to bait the hook for him.

"I hope, sir, I did not weary your people by the length of my sermon to-day?"

"No sir, not at all; nor by the depth either!"

"Did you ever," said one preacher to another, "stand at the door after your sermon, and listen to what people said about it as they passed out?"

Replied he: "I did once—" a pause and a sigh—"but I'll never do it again."

The proud Duke of Somerset employed Seymour the painter to make some portraits of his running horses.

One day, at dinner, he drank to him with a sneer: "Cousin Seymour, your health."

The painter replied, "I really do believe that I have the honour to be of your grace's family."

The Duke, offended, rose from the table, and sent his steward to pay Seymour and dismiss him.

Another painter of horses was sent for, who, finding himself unworthy to finish Seymour's work, honestly told the Duke so. On this the haughty peer condescended once more to summon his cousin.

Seymour answered his mandate in these words: "My lord, I shall now prove that I am of your grace's family, for I will not come."

Sheridan took his son one day to task upon his celibacy, and strongly urged that he should take a wife.

"Very well, father," answered Tom, "whose wife shall I take?"

A visitor strolled into a fashionable church just before the service began. The sexton followed him up, and tapping him on the shoulder, and pointing to a small cur that had followed him into the sacred edifice, said, "Dogs are not admitted."